


Ron's Tiny Problem & Hermione's Big Solution; or, Harry Potter Would Be A Very Boring Fellow Indeed Were It Not For His Best Mates.

by sordidhumor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Pregnant Sex, Small Penis, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-18
Updated: 2011-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-29 21:38:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sordidhumor/pseuds/sordidhumor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Trio!Sex drabble gift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This only works if you can convince yourself that Hermione is a pervy, m/m loving slasher freak.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HPTrio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPTrio/gifts).



> **Prompt by Triomakesmehot:** You _know_ I love Harry/Draco, but I'm wondering just how far I can push you. I know you are awesome at slash, and you did say you can do het ... but can you (will you?) do trio? As in Harry/Ron/Hermione? It's been ages since I read a really good new trio piece, and they were my first love in the fanfic world. Maybe one of the three dragging the other two past their usual sexual boundaries with something a little kinky that he/she really wants to try?

 

Harry Potter would be a very boring fellow indeed were it not for his best mates.

“Let me see if I've got this,” he told Ron from behind a bottle of Firewhisky. He'd made a dive for it when the ginger-haired man first voiced this unbelievable request that pushed the grounds of mate-dome to breaking. “You're asking me to sleep with your wife—your bitchy, swollen, pregnant...” at the look on Ron's face, he redirected, “loving and devoted wife and my best friend since age eleven?”

Ron borrowed the bottle. “While I put it up your bum. Yeah.”

Harry was ashamed to actually be considering this; he and Ginny were on this little “break” for near eight months and his own two hands were getting mighty predictable. Permutations of muggle phrases sparred through the fog of four shots on an empty stomach: _don't eat where you shit_... or was it _don't sleep where you shit_... or _don't shit where you sleep_.... No, the thing about sleeping came after making your bed, that was for certain. And there wasn't any shit in the bed as far as he knew. But with this proposition—this really fucked up, hormone-driven fantasy of Hermione's—a bit of it might just ruin the Granger-Weasley's sheets. And by the sound of it, the mess would be Harry's.

Well, this was at least partly his fault to begin with. It made a certain amount of sense that he'd see a karmic repercussion or two. He just hadn't expected his bad juju to include mate-buggery. Or Ron's prick in his arse.

Ron and Hermione had had sexual issues from day one. He'd overheard them in her tent one night. The problem was always the same—and a rather irreconcilable one at that. Ron's equipment was less than generous. To the point where even a straight chap like Harry could look at it and say with relative confidence, “Yeah. I reckon I could take that up the arse. No problem.”

Like an idiot, Harry had told them there were ways to work around it. He was seventeen at the time: what did he know about the importance of good sex in a marriage? He was overjoyed when they announced their first pregnancy over Halloween dinner at the Burrow—a baby meant they were having sex. Privately, Ron broke the news to him about wanking into a phial at the muggle doctor's office like some kind of science experiment.

“Seven months,” Ron bemoaned to the bottom of the bottle. It was in sight. “I miss making love to my wife, Harry. So I'll do it. Even if that means doing it through you.”

“Okay,” Harry sighed. “You have no idea how much you owe me... but okay.”

 

 


	2. in which sordid Does Trio!Sex as Begrudgingly as a Straight Harry Taking Ron's Prick Up His Bum

 

 

Of course there was a spell for _that_. Leave it to Hermione Granger-Weasley to research this hormone-induced three-way. Hermione was a horny pregnant person—Ron claimed visits to her South Country every twelve hours without fail yet the woman was still randy as fuck. Then again, her husband's dick was roughly the size of a Bowtruckle's arm; if only he had the two Bowtruckle fingers, that might've made things interesting. But as Harry gathered, Hermione's tastes ran toward the perverse. She'd been the one to discover Ron's prick could easily slip up an asshole if the recipient was even moderately relaxed.

Still, she'd researched the spell for anal stretching and lubrication. Hermione Granger-Weasley was nothing if not thorough. And a peach, lying there starkers with the distended roundness of her belly protruding like a third breast, complete with belly button as nipple. Harry had never taken much note of pregnant women before let alone ogled them naked but Hermione looked... beautiful. She was luminous, red lips hanging open and wet as she touched herself, watching her husband and his best mate awkwardly help one another out of their robes. They'd taken a potion to maintain erections, just in case. Ron wasn't queer and Harry didn't want to fuck his best mate's wife... at least not until he saw her like that, making a puddle of juices on the bed at the very sight of them. Ginny never looked at his prick like that, like it was a lolly she wanted to wrap her lips or legs around and _suck._

“Oh Gods, Harry,” Hermione whispered, blushing. “Thank you so much for this. I don't think I've been jealous of Ginny before but...” she trailed off, staring at Harry's prick as it rose to attention, licking her lips and positively salivating. “Please.”

Harry took the condom from Ron's fingers, ripping the package and slipping it on. He needed special condoms designed for those with girth. Regulars ripped before clearing his crown. Hermione laid back and spread her legs wide, hands cupping her belly and breasts as she waited for them.

“Well, here goes,” Harry shrugged, kneeling over her. Big brown eyes gazed up at him, glazed over at the feel of what was about to be inside her. He pressed at her lips, more swollen and red than her mouth. Harry suspected Ron had been down there, ministering to his wife before hand. She couldn't have been that turned on just from rubbing herself these last few minutes, right? Ron crawled up behind Harry, a freckled hand resolutely on his shoulder. He pressed forward, pushing easily into Harry as the brunet was admitted to the wettest, slickest pressure of a lifetime.

 

 


	3. In Which sordid CONTINUES Writing Lengthy Trio!Sex For Some Odd Reason... *shrugs*

 

 

Harry couldn't help it—he moaned. Hermione echoed the sound, taking his face in one hand and Ron's thigh with the other, gazing at them both as Ron pushed forward. He snapped his hips enough to transfer through the tanned, muscular body separating him from his other half. Harry gripped the sheets for dear life, riding out the tremors from either side that complemented his own.

Hermione was right, of course. He couldn't even feel Ron up his bum, just the scratch of body hair and pleasant temperature of that familiar chest. Heat surrounded him, pressing in at his back and all around his cock.

Harry shivered as Hermione shook. When his bollocks drew up, he could feel the slight pressure that was Ron inside him. It wasn't bad at all, Ron's larger body guiding his own—like they were doing this together, as a team. He tried to close tighter around Ron and that was a mistake. The man came with a shout, gripping Harry's hips in a final upward thrust. Harry could feel the ooze of semen filling his passage, sticky but so wonderfully warm.

“Sorry,” mumbled an awkward Ron, planting a thin-mouthed kiss to the side of Harry's neck. It must have been a reflex from kissing Hermione so many times.

“S'no problem,” Harry said back, leaning down to deliver the same taut kiss between Hermione's breasts. Ron slipped from him in a cooling dribble. “Feels kinda nice.”

“Yesss,” Hermione agreed incoherently. “Please, more.”

Hermione didn't want to let Harry go, insides tugging at his prick, holding strong and bearing down. He could barely pull back to thrust, she had him so firmly, so deeply. He'd never been allowed to pound Ginny this way—the way a man wanted to. Hermione loved it, digging nails in at his thigh and shoulder and clinging, clawing, head thrashing as she flexed to the core. Harry rammed forward, angling up towards her belly. He couldn't stop watching the way her eyelids closed, the way her swollen breasts flopped like rabbit ears as she rode his cock to completion, screeching her pleasure all the way.

Her body held him, embracing from the inside out. He felt a tap-tap-tapping along his shaft, faint at first but growing. It was like a vibration from somewhere nearby. The baby! The baby was trying to kick him, kick them both, sensing mommy's excitement and wanting to join in on the fun. Hermione's eyes met his in wonder, pulling him down by the hair for a most triumphant kiss.

Harry wasn't really aware of his orgasm but was sure he had one. He was too lost in the sensation of kissing his best friend's wife, tongues twirling. Ron had a hand to her stomach, feeling each beat and flutter against the palm of his hand, smiling happily at them both. Maybe this hadn't been such a terrible idea.

Harry Potter would be a boring fellow indeed without his two best friends.

 

 

 

 _~ fin ~_


End file.
